Say Anything
by Raych
Summary: Title taken from the song 'Say Anything' by Good Charlotte. Ross loves Rachel, Rachel loves Joey and he loves her. Ross decides to punish Rachel, and things just get worse. Terrible summary but just read. Plz r'n'r
1. Love and Loss

Rachel quietly opened the door to the apartment. Since returning to New York she and Joey had seen little of one another. She found herself working longer hours at work, taking up her time with caring for her daughter. Doing everything possible to avoid talking to Joey. It wasn't because she regretted it, far from it. She knew she loved Joey more than anything, anyone in her life. Past or present. But the problem was Ross. They were linked, not just by their daughter but their history together. A history that she couldn't forget, couldn't ignore no matter how strong her feelings for Joey were. But of course this might not even be a real problem, it wasn't just her playing the avoidance game. It was Joey too. So it was in fact possible that after their night together he had realised he didn't want her.

Joey was laid back on his bed when he heard the door shut. Rachel was home. Emma was at Ross' again otherwise he would have heard her baby jabber. No matter how hard Rachel must try Emma always gave her away. It was like she woke when she knew she was home. She was avoiding him, and he knew. What happened in Barbados was a mistake, at least to her. To him it was the most wonderful night of his life. One he knew that would have to sustain him for the rest of his life, because what he'd been given that night he would never have again. Rachel didn't want him, didn't love him. But that didn't mean he wanted to lose her, he too had been avoiding her and now he knew if he couldn't have her love, he would show her that he could accept having only her friendship. He walked out his room and found Rachel staring blankly at the door from his chair. She looked so lost.

"It's okay you know." Rachel jumped at the sound of Joey's voice. So much for sneaking in. She turned slowly. God he looked sexy, he was wearing a pair of cotton pyjamas and leaning against the doorframe. He looked so incredibly sad, all she wanted to do was comfort him. But knew it was out of the question. He didn't want her to. "I mean. We're best friends, and roommates. Just because of…that night. It doesn't mean things have to change. I understand. You love your daughter and you love Ross." She laughed then, stopping immediately when Joey's hurt expression registered in her brain. She stood and moved swiftly yet gracefully to him. She placed her hand lightly on his arm.

"I love my daughter and I love…you." Joey's eyes closed, she had the feeling he was trying to draw strength.

"I love you too. But I don't understand." She turned away and went back to her seat. He followed sitting on the arm of the chair. She looked up into his eyes, hers sending a message, a plea to him to help her. To save her.

"I don't know what Ross would do."

"Tell him and find out." Rachel had no reply, she only had to wonder at his reaction.

                                                *                      *                      *

Rachel arrived at Ross' earlier than usual to pick Emma up. She wanted to speak to him about her and Joey, needed to tell him about them. The door opened just as she turned the corner into Ross' hall. Charlie emerged carrying her bag and jacket. Ross leaned out and kissed her. Charlie turned to walk away.

"Rachel." Ross opened the almost closed door upon hearing her name. He peered out.

"We need to talk." Rachel brushed past Charlie, holding her head high. Charlie threw a look at Ross before disappearing. Ross took a deep breath before going into his apartment. He closed the door and turned. Rachel had taken a seat on his couch.

"I'm in love." That was not what he'd been expecting. "And he loves me back." Ross moved over and sat next to her.

"Oh."

"It's Joey." Ross searched his brain trying to think of a Joey, the only one he knew was Joey Joey.

"Joey who?" Rachel stared at him.

"Joey." Ross stood, his logical brain unable to absorb the information Rachel had thrown at him. His Rachel, mother of his child in love with Joey. Wait his Rachel? What was he thinking he was with Charlie now? He liked Charlie, a lot. But did he honestly love her. When Charlie and Joey were an item , he could deal with it. With seeing them together. He had even helped, or at least tried to help Joey with the relationship. But even imagining Rachel with Joey was like someone was trying to rip his still beating heart from his chest.

"Oh." Rachel stood.

"I'm just going to get Emma." She moved through the apartment, getting her daughter and leaving. She closed the door. She wanted to go home, wanted with every fibre of her being to go back to Joey. But she didn't. She walked. She had no clue where she was going but she walked, pushing her daughter along for the ride. She contemplated it, everything. Ross had been a part of her for so long. Everyone, including her, had imagined that they would again reconcile and be together. That Emma was in fact the thing they had all been waiting for to see it happen. She had really thought something would happen, but then Gavin showed up. Gavin showed her she could move past Ross. But then had she really, deep down she had known Ross would take her back. But with Joey it was different, so so different. Ross and her would never again be together after she made this choice. And how would her choice affect not only the life her daughter led but the lives of her friends. Could she honestly ruin all 7 of their lives? She didn't even know what was between her and Joey. True she had never felt like this about anyone before, including Ross. But whether Joey felt the same was one thing, and also what about the problems it would bring. But could she really give Joey up? Truthfully she had no idea. She had to wonder whether Joey really wanted her? It wasn't that long ago he had wanted something to happen between them because he was simply jealous of the closeness between Chandler and Monica.

"Rachel!" Through the fog of thoughts in her brain she heard her name being called. She turned her head slightly to be confronted by Mrs Tribbiani hurrying towards her.

"Hi Mrs Tribbi…" The woman cut her off before she even had chance to finish her sentence.

"What is going on?" Rachel's face clouded over with confusion. "With Joey."

"Joey's fine." The woman linked her arm through Rachel's and propelled her to walk beside her. "Your daughter is the sweetest little thing."

"Thank you."

"I don't mean to sound rude dear but whenever Joey came home you were all he talked about, and then of course it was you and Emma. He came straight home when you all got back from Barbados, he was so happy. Now though I've never seen him like he is. What happened?" Rachel had never felt awkward around Mrs Tribbiani before, but now she just wished the ground would swallow her up.

"I have a daughter and ex-husband." That was the core of the issue really. If Rachel was alone she would have gone straight to Joey with no hesitation, if Rachel had never been married to Ross, if Rachel had never given Ross a chance she would easily be able to be with Joey. But those things had happened. If she was honest with herself even Emma wasn't really going to cause a problem, she loved Joey. In fact on occasion she had noticed that adoring look in Emma's eyes when she was with Joey. In some ways Rachel felt Emma loved Joey more than her father. Cruel as the thought was. Ross was kind and thoughtful and read to her. But when Joey did things with her it was different. Joey actually played with her, Joey read to her and he did all the voices just to make her laugh. Ross and Joey were just so different. So Ross was stopping her. But did that mean she still wanted Ross or she was just scared of what Ross could do to ruin things.

"Rachel honey, if you honestly wanted Ross or Joey then you wouldn't be confused. If you honestly and completely loved either then you'd be with them now telling them that and stopping all the confusion, but you're not you're out here with your baby. So that tells me the only people you really love are your daughter and yourself."

"That's not true! I love Joey! More than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life. I can't imagine not having him with me for the rest of my life. In ways I feel guilty because I so much because I love him as much as my child. And that..."

"It's not wrong honey. There's a lot of things out there said about loving your kids, but saying that you can't love your partner as much as your child is rubbish. Because the love is so different. I'm sorry about what I said, I just wanted to see your reaction. If you have such a passionate reaction to that, what's stopping you?"

"I'm scared of what he can do. Of how things could change. I mean Monica is my best friend, but she's Ross' sister. Chandler is Joey's best friend, but he's Ross' too. And he's married to Monica. And I have a child to him. We haven't ever talked about custody of Emma, we've never needed to. But what if he decides he wants her to punish me?"

"Honey you have a great job. And a man that is so in love with you, so devoted to you he would move heaven and earth to make you happy. What Ross has can't compare to that."

"What if a court doesn't see it like that?"

"You just have to decide whether Joey's worth it. But do it quick, and tell him. Don't leave him like it is."

                                                *                      *                      *

"We have to talk." She went over and sat down on the edge of the seat she had chosen. This was the conversation to change her life. She knew that deep down. "I've decided that we should talk, about our past." The man sat beside her stared at her thoroughly confused. "We were once in love. What happened to that love? Did it just disappear, did it fade over time, or is it still there?"

"What you told me earlier, it almost killed me. So I have to assume that it is still there." Rachel swallowed, she knew this part was going to be hard.

"Over the years we've both changed so much, I look at myself and the person I was when I walked into the coffee shop in my wet wedding gown and I don't see any of her left. And she was the person who loved you. The person I am now, loves Joey." Ross began to shake his head.

"No, you can't go from loving me to loving someone like him, we're total opposites!"

"I know, you're kind and thoughtful but he's sweet and loving. He makes me laugh, he doesn't tell me what to do, he lets me be in charge. No one has ever done that. He's…indescribable. I love him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I can honestly see myself marrying him and having children with him. The white picket deal and everything."

"You mean my child." Rachel took a deep breath, she had known this would happen.

"She'll always be your child and it's not going to happen now, we have to have time. I mean it's not something we've talked about. We're not even a couple yet."

"Rach you can't be with Joey. You have to put your child first." She stood then.

"Oh right, cos you are. Last night, Charlie stays the night while your daughter is here and then she sneaks out before I get here, imagine growing up with that. So you're allowed to date but I'm not! I don't think so Ross." She grabbed her bag and stormed from the building.

"How did it go?"

"I want my baby." She reached out her arms and accepted her daughter from Joey. "Hold me…" Joey's arms went round Rachel and Emma and she leant against him, feeling so safe and loved. "And promise to never let go." Joey didn't answer for a while, when he finally did his voice was hoarse with emotion, he was choked up by his love for the woman in his arms.

"Never."

                                                *                      *                      *

"That was Ross." Chandler turned his attention from the TV to the forlorn face of his wife.

"What's wrong? Has something happened?" She moved over and sat beside him.

"I need you to do something to fix this mess. I need you to go over to Joey's and tell him that he can't do what he's doing. That he can't give in to the feelings he has for Rachel, because it will ruin her life and her daughter's life."

"I can't do that, Joey's my best friend."

"So is Ross, and he's your brother-in-law too. We both know Joey and Rachel would never work. It's Joey for God's sake. He'll be cheating within a month. He isn't the settling down kind." Chandler tried to process that information before standing and going over to Joey's. As he placed his hand on the doorknob about to open it he heard tears from inside. He quietly opened the door just enough to be able to behold the scene inside. He was confronted with the picture of Rachel crying, safely comforted in Joey's arms, sat on his lap in his chair. Joey was murmuring things to her while softly stroking her hair. The look on his face took the breath away from Chandler. He'd known Joey for years, in truth it had gotten so he was a better friend than Ross. They had more in common, which was true for the couple in front of him. Joey had had more girlfriends than Chandler could even remember let alone count, but he had never seen the look of love in his eyes, the worry and care and love etched into every line of his face. He prayed right then and there to the God he didn't even believe in that his two friends would make it. For someone to invoke such feelings in the womanising Joey he knew that she was special, and would always be special to Joey. He knew also that Rachel was upset, that Joey was reaching her, he knew Rachel well and knew she and Ross were too different to have a real life together. He wasn't smart enough to realise the depth of her feelings for Joey for her to be risking her friends, well her whole life for Joey. He was amazed that none of them had actually realised before now what was between the two. Sure they'd all known about Joey loving her, but had they ever really all believed it, in truth he knew they hadn't. It was only as he looked at them now that he realised how perfect they were for one another. He went through the door then. The couple practically jumped apart and Rachel desperately tried to hold her tears at bay while wiping at her tear streaked cheeks in an effort to hide them.

"Don't move on my account."

"Hello Chandler." Rachel's voice sounded so cold it chilled him to hear it. She was protecting herself. "Ross obviously called."

"Yes he did, and to be honest I was in agreement with him." Joey's face fell as he realised no matter how similar he and Chandler were no matter how close they had become, Ross was closer. "But, I can't ruin this for you two. Ross had his chance with Rachel and he blew it. And I could never try and break you up, when I've seen you like this. In the 12 years I've known you I've never known you want to commit to any woman, and I've never seen you look at anyone with such love. And I know only too well that look, because that's how I look at Monica. I wish you guys all the happiness in the world." The tears Rachel had tried to hold back fell in huge streams from her eyes and Joey leapt to his feet and pulled her into his arms, gently soothing her. Through her tears Rachel managed a small sentence.

"You sound like you're giving a best man speech." She gave him a watery smile to try and show that she had never meant the hostility from before, she had just been protecting herself.

"You never know, maybe I should write that down for your wedding." He didn't even know why he'd said it, but he instantly knew he would be giving a best man speech at their wedding. "I'm going now, see you guys later." Chandler slipped out of the apartment as Joey spun Rachel to look at her face.

"I've never loved anyone before, and no matter what he does, I'm not gonna lose you. I couldn't live without you." Rachel's hand went to cup his cheek as she smiled at him.

"You don't have to…we could just leave the country." She smiled.

"Where you wanna go?"

                                                *                      *                      *

Rachel opened the door still wondering why any person would be up this early on a Sunday morning.

"Ross." He didn't even bother speaking, he just pushed his way into the apartment. Rachel sighed, closed the door and turned to face him. As she looked at him she wondered what she'd even seen in him.

"Marry me." Rachel's eyes practically fell from her head, she felt like a character from a cartoon with her jaw hanging to the floor.

"What the hell are you saying? You're with Charlie! I'm with Joey!"

"I still love you. Let's both be honest here we both always assumed we'd start up again. I'm just doing what I should have done a year ago."

"Ross I'm glad you didn't do this a year ago. It would have been a mistake. And so many things have changed this year."

"But my feelings for you haven't. We could be a proper family."

"No we can't, because I love Joey."

"If I can't have you both, then I'll settle for just my daughter."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I don't trust Joey around you two. He'll hurt you and Emma will just get tangled up in that. She'll grow to depend on him and then he'll cheat on you and leave you."

"No Ross he won't."

"And knowing him he'll probably hit on your sister, or your friend, or your cousin….or your daughter."

"Get the hell out of my apartment. And don't you dare come back."

"I'll leave Rach, but next time I come I'll be leaving with my daughter." Ross stalked out of the apartment leaving a shell-shocked Rachel staring after him. She almost jumped out of her skin at the gentle touch on her shoulder. She spun round to face Joey. She walked into his open arms and sobbed.

                                                *                      *                      *

Joey was headed to Central perk. Rachel didn't really feel up to leaving the apartment, mostly because she feared seeing Ross. Which is exactly who he did see, kissing Charlie! Memories of the past week flooded over him, the tears that man had caused his Rachel, the pain he was putting her through. The promises to provide for her, the threats to take her child and here he was with his girlfriend as if there was nothing wrong, no storms threatening, and no problems in his life. Rachel refused to leave the apartment, she was devastated and Ross was here, smiling. Just as Charlie walked off and Ross turned to face Joey, his fist flew out and connected squarely with his jaw. Ross moved back, flying into the post box. His hand flew to cover his jaw.

"Joey what the hell was that for?"

"For what you're doing to Rachel!"

"I'm doing her a favour, if taking her daughter is the only way to make her realise how stupid she's being then it's what I have to do!" Joey's fist flew out, both men barely even realised it was happening until Ross was thrown backwards into the lamppost. He recovered enough to swing for Joey. The two men began to hit each other, swearing and shouting their hatred for each other. A body managed to prise itself between the two of them.

"STOP IT! What the hell are you doing? For starters you really think Rachel wants her life aired out in front of everyone! You're best friends for god's sake just talk about it!"

                                                *                      *                      *

Rachel clutched the stick to her, she was happy she truly was, how could she not be. She was having Joey's baby, but with everything else going on she wished this could have waited until everything was more settled. The door was flung open with such force Rachel jumped. She flung the test into the trash and went into the lounge. She was surprised to find two blood covered men sitting while Chandler mumbled while searching through the freezer.

"Rach you got any ice?"

"What the hell happened? Joey sweetie are you okay?" She asked the question to him first even though it was obvious Ross was the worst of the pair.

"They were fighting in the street, pulling each other's lives to pieces."

"Joey…"

"Rach I'm sorry I got carried away." She touched a hand tenderly to his face.

"I'm going to get Emma from my mom's, I don't know when I'll be back." She opened the door, taking one look back before leaving. She knew as soon as she stepped out of the door she couldn't ever go back in.

                                                *                      *                      *

It had been almost a month since Rachel had walked out of his life. It felt like there was nothing left for him. He knew from Phoebe that Ross was devastated by her taking his daughter, he wanted to feel sorry for him, but he couldn't if it wasn't for Ross she might still be with him.

Phoebe looked at her friend and wished she could tell him, tell him that he had a child due, that the woman he was mooning over still loved him. But she couldn't, nor could she tell Ross where his daughter was, or that the letter he had received the other week wasn't from New York, that she had reposted it. But she couldn't say a word to anyone. She had promised, and she knew that if someone did find out about Rachel, it would be the last any of them heard from her, so she kept quiet.


	2. A New World

A/N: This chapter takes place three and a half years after Rachel left.

"Please Rachel." Phoebe heard a sigh and knew she was going to get the same answer she had already been given more than a thousand times.

"I can't."

"You don't want to be there, you miss us."

"Of course I miss you Pheebs, all of you. But I can't come back, not now not ever not after everything that's happened."

"I think you're scared. Scared your friends won't, accept you back, or whatever but they will and Ross will be mad but he'll accept you back because you have his little girl."

"Phoebe please, they probably think I don't care."

"But you do care all you have to do is tell them how you showed you still cared."

"Monica has wanted a baby for longer I can remember, and I wasn't there how will she forgive me? How will any of them? No Phoebe I can't come back. I have to go bye."

"Rachel wait!" But she didn't, the dial tone greeted Phoebe and she flung the phone away in frustration.

"Hello?" Rachel frowned at the phone.

"Phoebe?"

"I'm sorry she doesn't live here anymore. Is this Rachel?"

"Yes it is."

"She left a message for you, she said she was really sorry and she hoped you'd be able to forgive her."

"What does she mean?"

"She said you'd understand."

"Thank you, bye." Rachel hung feeling thoroughly confused. She grabbed the magazine from the top of the mail pile and stared dumbstruck at the front page. It was Joey and his new girlfriend, Phoebe! She frantically flipped through clutching the magazine while reading the article, they were living together in Joey's upscale New York loft! Rachel's whole world was thrown into orbit. All this time they had been talking and Phoebe had never once mentioned anything about her and Joey, she had even been trying to get her to come back. She'd succeeded too! Rachel slowly picked up the phone and dialled the number she still remembered so well.

"Estelle."

"Hi it's Rachel Green."

"What do you want?"

"I need to get a message to Phoebe, it's very important, please Estelle. It's not bad I swear."

"Why?"

"I just need to."

"What is it?"

"Tell her I'll forgive her on one condition, that she forgives me. I called her to tell her I was going to, face the music, she'd already left."

"Is that it?"

"I only wish it were."

                                                *                      *                      *

"Chandler."

"Rachel?"

"Hi. Emma this is Uncle Chandler."

"Hey Uncle Chandler." Chandler was stunned by the sight of the woman who had once been part of their close-knit group, the woman who had managed to rip said group apart with her actions and then sudden departure, the daughter she had taken from one of his best friends. He couldn't believe his eyes, she'd been a baby when she left and here she was now, the most enchanting little four-year old he had ever seen. She strongly resembled her mother, which even in his daze he managed to tell himself that was probably lucky for her. But even luckier was she didn't have Rachel's original nose!

"Chandler, this is my son." Chandler's eyes nearly popped out of his head when he finally noticed the small boy whose hand was safely encased in his mother's. "He's called Aaron." She paused. "Aaron Tribbiani." Chandler hadn't needed the name to know the parentage of the dark haired boy. Chandler suddenly became aware of the length of time he'd been stood there when the child in his arms began to move. He moved away form the door, leaving room for Rachel to come in before closing it.

"Your daughter is lovely."

"Thanks, took a while for Monica to leave her, you know being worse for her and all with how desperate she, we, were for a…" He stopped short as if realising this wasn't something he should be discussing with Rachel. They were both now sat down in the living area, Rachel noticed nothing had changed since her departure, though there were significant additions showing that a baby was now present. Chandler rested his daughter in her bassinet and watched over her briefly, before sitting down again. Joey's son was now in Rachel's lap, huddling up to her in his child's sleep. Emma however was exploring the apartment, as if she owned the place, Chandler took a moment to realise how like her mother she was.

"Where have you been?"

"San Diego."

"We thought you were still somewhere in New York. The letters."

"I know, I didn't want to risk being found."

"How could you? Ross has been….you took his daughter and Joey god he was such a mess."

"In the long run it was best I went. When I spoke to Ross about Joey and me, the future we could have. He freaked. If he'd known I was pregnant he would have tried to take her away from me."

"So you took her away from him."

"Chandler Joey hit Ross, in the street! Because of me. If I'd have stayed it would have torn us apart. God you think Monica would have supported it. No way, she would support Ross, and you'd have to. I couldn't do that to your marriage and I couldn't do that to the friendship between you and Joey. And poor Phoebe, what would she have done. She'd have been right in the middle, having to choose between two groups of her best friends."

"I guess I can see why you thought it was best. I…"

"Rachel!" The two turn to find the door wide open revealing a very obviously angry Monica. The two stand up, Joey's son is pushed roughly onto the sofa and wakes up. He peers over the top of the sofa at the person then shies away seeing the anger on her face. He trembles as he hides away. Chandler notices, being not only the son of one friend but also Joey his best friend, he takes pity on the poor child and leads him onto his own lap, trying his best to comfort him, settle him from the argument that is about to explode and also trying to figure out the best way of dealing with the situation. "What the hell are you doing here? After everything you've done!"

"Monica I had to."

"Had to steal my niece from my brother, make him chase all over New York for three god damn years. He's a broken man because of you. And Joey what about him, he honestly believed that selfish Rachel Green had changed that she thought about someone else boy was he wrong."

"Now hold on Monica, you don't know. If I'd have stayed things would have been a million times worse. Your brother and your friend fighting over me, me and Ross fighting over our daughter. I was pregnant and afraid, don't you dare judge me. You have no idea how hard it was to walk away but if I'd have stayed do you honestly think you'd all be friends still, that Joey and Ross would be able to be near each other, without wanting to kill each other. I couldn't put my children through that!"

"So you leave and just forget about us."

"I never forgot, not for one second. I look at my beautiful son and all I see is the love I had to walk away from. My daughter, the man that would have destroyed it all. I sent letters, pictures, I told her who he was. I never let my feelings interfere. She loves her daddy and if she saw him in the street, she wouldn't shy away because she knows who he is and that he loves her as much as I do. I know everything that was going on in your lives because I couldn't leave them. The only person I knew I could talk to about this, was Phoebe. She told me about your baby and I sent flowers, I sent Joey the big food hamper when he got best actor. I stayed in your lives, I just didn't let you know I was!" Rachel's tears flowed freely down her face as she squared off against the person who had once been her best friend. "I missed you all so much, but you cannot tell me that leaving you guys to sort this mess out wasn't better in the long run. You've all healed. And you can't tell me you haven't because I can see you have. I'm not back to take my place again, I'm back because time heals things and you are healed enough to know that I have a son to Joey and that Ross can see his daughter."

"It's late, the kids are tired. You can sleep on the couch, the kids can go in Abby's room. Just tonight until you speak to Ross…and to Joey."

"Monica…"

"Leave it, for now just leave it. We can talk later." Monica made her way through the apartment to her bedroom, stopping for a moment to contemplate the sleeping form of her niece on her floor. She'd come home, thinking that tonight might be the night that they could just be. Joey and Phoebe were happy, Ross was finally accepting the loss of his daughter and didn't need them tonight and then she saw Rachel, the woman who destroyed their lives, but in truth did she? If Ross had accepted her relationship with Joey would she still have left? Monica didn't honestly think she would have. But then if she hadn't fallen pregnant with Joey's child would she have left. She didn't know the answer to that one, she supposed that in truth blame didn't lay with just Rachel but with all of them. She shouldn't have supported Ross' wild actions, should have reasoned with him but she never did.

                                                *                      *                      *

"Morning."

"Hey Chandler." Chandler pulled out the chair next to Rachel's and sat.

"How long have you been nursing that cold looking cup of coffee?"

"About an hour."

"Couch that uncomfortable?"

"Situation is, couch wasn't. I have to go and see Ross today, I know I do but I don't want to. He'll hate, does hate me. I took his daughter away from him for three years. He'll never forgive me that."

"Rach, Ross is wrong about a lot of things and hating you is wrong too. Don't take all the blame for this, if you had have stayed, would you have Emma with you? Emma would still suffer not having a parent. And she would also suffer arguing parents and that is no fun, trust me. He'll be mad yeah but sooner or later he's going to have to stop thinking he's the perfect son who can do no wrong and accept that he is a grown man who makes mistakes."

"What about Joey?"

"You've seen the papers?" Rachel nodded, finding the tears clogging her throat making speech impossible. "Well we didn't even know it was going to happen. When you left Monica of course was there for Ross, being his brother-in-law meant I had to be as well. I found little time for Joey, who was devastated, Phoebe became his confidante. Spent a lot of time together. He changed so much when you left. When we were all finally able to be together again we'd all talk but half the time I don't think Joey was listening. He'd get this look, Phoebe jokingly named it his Rachel look. And so in turn she developed her own…anti-Rachel look. That made him stop day-dreaming and come back to reality. The reality being you weren't here. Then one day we're all here and Phoebe announces she's moving in with Joey. I'm not saying you two still have a chance but he still hasn't got that unique Joeyness back, the one that made us all love him, don't get me wrong we still do but he's much more serious now. I'll tell you this when I walked in and saw you two together I've never seen him look like that."

"I want to see him, but I'm scared of seeing him in love with someone else."

"You have to go and see him."

"Will you watch them, while I go see Ross?"

"Go ahead."

                                                *                      *                      *

 Rachel knocked at the door, remembering the last time she'd been here. The door was opened by a thin, pale man who vaguely resembled the Ross she'd left behind.

"Rachel?"

"Can I come in?" he opened the door wider and she slipped in.

"Where is she?"

"She's with Chandler, you can see her, but I thought it would be better if we talked first."

"I wanna see her!"

"I know Ross but…."

"No buts Rachel you took my daughter away from me for two years and now when you show up again you won't even let me see her!"

"I will let you, but we need to talk." Ross turned to her, shock wearing off, he was now fully aware of the situation and his eyes were full of hate and anger.

"Talk." Rachel cringed as Ross almost snarled the word at her.

"I'm sorry."

"Not good enough!"

"Ross you threatened to take her away."

"You actually did it!"

"You were just jealous! You couldn't accept that I could move on, but it was alright for you to! You lost her when you dared say to me what you did. You said that you'd take her, just to prove you beat me down. You thought it would make me come to you but it didn't! It never would have worked!"

"Yeah I was jealous, but for now all I care Joey can have you!"

"I should never have come back!"

"Well leave then, but when you walk out leave her here!"

"God Ross this is not what I came for!"

"What did you think I'd welcome you back with open arms, wake up Rachel you stole my little girl!"

"You stole my life!" Ross advanced on her taking her by the throat and pining her to the door.

"Bring her here now." He let go and Rachel scrambled out the door. She sunk back against it once she was out, trying to clam herself by taking deep breaths. She fled from the apartment block. Ross punched his door. Even in his fury he hoped he hadn't hurt Rachel that was the core of the situation, even after she had done this to him. He still partially loved her.

                                                *                      *                      *

Rachel clasped the hand that was held in her own tighter as she awaited the opening of the door. She wasn't ready for this, not for another argument. The door was opened, she noticed that it wasn't flung open, like Joey used to. And the look of greeting on his face was unlike any she'd received from him before. It was a look of amazement and shock combined with disbelief. Yet no where could she find anger. He said no words as he let her into his apartment, his eyes never leaving her face, not noticing the child that came with her.

"I'm sorry." Rachel waited for a reaction and yet found none. "Joey?" he motioned for her to sit down and she noticed how different this place was from the place where they had lived together as a couple for all too short a time. She pulled her son onto her lap and for the first time Joey noticed the child.

"Tribbiani?" She nodded and unwrapped her arms from round the child. She would never understand how a son of hers and Joey's could be so shy, had it been her daughter she would have launched herself into those strong arms, much like she herself longed to do. She gave her son a gentle push, when she had been pregnant she had recounted tales to her unborn child of it's father, this had continued even when he'd been born. She'd shown countless pictures to her son of Joey, she was sure he knew who Joey was. Her son slipped onto his unsteady feet and wobbled his way over to Joey. Joey was on his knees in an instant ready to hold his arms open to the son he'd never known of, the son he now realised he longed for. She watched, content for the moment to see her son relish the attention of the father she'd tried to bring to him through pictures, stories and TV, she realised now how none of those mediums could ever catch the true essence of Joey, of the man she loved. She watched the emotions flit across Joey's face simultaneously feeling regret she had taken his son from him and yet gladness that she had for she could only imagine what the fight that staying would have caused between herself and Ross and also Joey and Ross. She knew that she had caused Joey unhappiness by leaving, but by staying she feared he would have resented her taking his friends away from him, even if she had provided a son for him. "Thank you." Rachel looked up at him, brought from her thoughts by the quiet words. "For bringing him here. It has obviously taken a lot of strength and courage to come back and face…everyone." Rachel was near tears at the change she assumed her leaving had brought about in Joey. She was in truth so thankful that he hadn't reacted as Ross had, she feared she'd be unable to cope with seeing such hatred in Joey's eyes.

"Maybe staying would have been the strong thing to do."

"Maybe, maybe not. Maybe having the courage to leave the only life you know, your friends and family is what is strong. Deciding what is for the best and then having the courage of conviction to carry it out." Rachel could have wept for his words, maybe he was in truth the only one understanding of her motivation. She marvelled that her Joey had changed so much so that he was now the serious man in front of her.

"I'll be staying in New York now. Until I get a place and more organised I…can't arrange times for you to see Aaron."

"I never gave up the lease, you can stay there. Our home." For the first time Joey let Rachel get a glimpse into the pain she had caused him by just saying those two simple words.

"Thank you." The rest of the visit went by without words, the silence deafening her until the point where she had to find something to say.

"I'm sorry Joey, but you were never far from my thoughts. I promise you that. When Phoebe told me about the Best Actor award, I sent a small gift. The food hamper, I just wanted to send a token to show how proud I was of you."

"Phoebe told you?"

"I couldn't just cut you all from my life, so I called her every now and then to find out how you all were."

"Phoebe still talked to you, knew about my son?"

"Yes." The room went silent until 15 minutes later Rachel announced she had to leave, Monica and Chandler were expecting her for lunch.

"They knew were you where too?"

"No, only Phoebe. And technically she didn't know where I was, I just talked to her."

"So you went there first?"

"I arrived late last night and I didn't think it was fair to come and the children were tired. I felt it would be the place where I was hated least and most likely to find a bed for the night."

"Oh, so they have Emma then?"

"No she's with Ross."

"Ross…so I'm last to know you're back then. Nice to know where I stand with you."

"No Joey it's not like that, but Ross knew he was missing his child and I was staying with his sister, I felt I had to go there first."

"Oh, ok then. I'll just go find the key for the apartment. It's still fully furnished so…" Rachel didn't know whether she'd imagined the flash of hurt on his face of not, maybe she had imagined it to convince herself he still cared for her. Joey returned seconds later, his son in his arms and a key in his hand. He handed the key to Rachel, yet seemed reluctant to part with his son, she guessed that he didn't really believe he would see him again.

"I'll bring him round tomorrow, bring the things he'll need for overnight?" Joey's eyes lit up at the prospect and he smiled the first genuine smile since she'd been there at her. She took her son back and went to the door. Before she went through it she turned back. "I am sorry Joey."

"I know." In her heart she wished he showed some of the anger Ross had, she had no idea how to deal with Joey as he was, anger she could have.

"Bye. I'll see you tomorrow. Tell Phoebe I said hi."

"So you do know?"

"Yes, I know and I hope you're happy together. You deserve to be happy Joey." She left then, not daring to turn and see the expression on his face.


	3. Changing Relationships

Song is Say Anything by Good Charlotte. If you haven't heard it then u should listen 2 it!

Rachel yanked open the fridge, she pulled out a bottle of beer and opened it. She flopped down in Joey's old recliner. Yet another night in, alone. She could just about survive in the apartment she had once shared with Joey, as long as her children were there. But yet again their incredibly devoted fathers had chosen the same night to have them stay, just in case Rachel wanted to be someone. She wasn't stupid, she knew exactly what that meant, in case she had a date or wanted a guy over, the only guy she ever had in the apartment on one of those nights was Chandler when Monica was working. The door was flung open bang on time and he walked in, he too opened the fridge and grabbed a beer before coming and sitting door in his recliner, Monica had been so happy to hear Rachel would have it in her apartment. Chandler wasn't really that bothered, the only time he really sat and relaxed was at Rachel's anyway.

"Lonely again kid?"

"Always."

"Well, we're gonna have to fix that." He reached over and grabbed the handle, the recliner moved back until Rachel was almost horizontal on it. He did the same to his and looked over. "So we're here. Less lonely?" She smiled a slightly lopsided sad smile at her best friend. If it wasn't for the nights she got to spend here with Chandler while Monica was at work she really would have felt truly alone. She didn't seem to be able to connect with Phoebe now she was back, which was strange since Phoebe had spent almost every single second of their conversations trying to convince her to come back. When she did see Phoebe, it was usually at Joey's when she was collecting Aaron or dropping him off. She felt a sick sense of elation when she saw that Aaron didn't seem particularly interested in Phoebe, though she was in him.

"You know what Chandler I think you're the only person that even cares what I do, as long as my kids are here, on time and waiting. The only one who cares how I feel."

"Rach don't be stupid, we're all your friends."

"It's stupid how I wish things were like they used to be, we were all as close, but too much has happened now right?"

"Yeah it has."

"You wanna know what stops me leaving again, you my friend and Joey. I don't mean because I love him, though I do, it's the look on his face when I drop Aaron off or when he sees him, it's the same look he got when he first saw him, so much love and amazement and…so many different things, and that stops me because no matter how bad it might be for me, I could tear them apart now. Aaron has blossomed in these past 3 months, I can hardly even remember the sad, withdrawn little boy he used to be, I could never bring him back, he was my son and I loved him but this little boy he is now so, Joey." Chandler reached out and took her hand in his.

"I know what look you mean and I'm glad you are still here, you're the one who keeps me sane."

"Ditto. You know having the father of one my children as an actor, works out pretty well. I mean I used to spend a fortune of childminders when I was in San Diego, but now I have you and I have Joey, and he's great with both of them. that's what bothers me about Ross, Joey loves both my children, almost equally but Ross doesn't, he can't even stand to be around Aaron."

"I think Aaron is just a reminder of what he's lost, and who he lost it to. They speak now and can be together, but they'll never be friends like they were."

"I guess it's like all of us, how our friendships have deteriorated and changed over time. I mean once upon time it was you Ross and Joey, me Mon and Pheebs, now it's me and you, Mon and Ross or Mon and Pheebs and Joey and Pheebs. There's really only you that's still good friends with us all. You're what holds us all together."

"I never thought of it like that."

"What do you think they're doing?"

"Who?"

"Do you think they're like a family, all there, dad, son and mom."

"You're his mom, and no I don't think they are." She smiled weakly at him.

                                                *                      *                      *

Rachel was browsing the romance films in the video store. Her usual Saturday night ritual. Her cell phone rang and she reached into her bag and pulled it out. She found herself pathetic at hoping it was work needing her to work that night just so she wouldn't be stuck watching an old romance film while eating cold pizza from the night before with Chandler. She saw Ross' name on the display and panic shot through her veins.

"What's happened? Is Emma ok?"

"Emma's fine. I just, we just…well Emma decided that she wanted some Chinese food tonight and to watch a film, so I also got another one for when she went to bed, just some old film…and I thought well Rachel would like the film and she does have such a weakness for Chinese food and Emma hasn't seen her since yesterday morning why not invite her to join us." Rachel was taken aback by the invite, true she knew Ross was being more forgiving than she had imagined he would be, especially after their first encounter.

"I'd love to."

"Be here at 5."

"Okay, how about I bring something for us to drink while watching some old film."

"Great."

                                                *                      *                      *

"I love that film."

"Me too." Ross began to move and shake his head slightly.

"Are you ok?"

"That was my um, Danny impression." Rachel burst into giggles. Ross looked offended and she tried to quiet herself. The drink didn't help though, between them they had drunk 3 bottles of wine.

"I'm sorry." Ross grabbed her and began to extract his revenge, by tickling her. She began to scream and they both ended up on the floor in fits of laughter. He leaned into her and placed his lips softly over hers. Even in the state she was she knew it was wrong, she felt like she was cheating on Joey, but then she reasoned he had someone in his bed with him every night, she had been alone for almost 5 years now, her body craved the touch of a man, and here was Ross providing that for her. Yet she knew it was wrong, because in her head it was Joey's lips against hers, Joey's body crushing hers to the floor. But she didn't stop it.

                                                *                      *                      *

There she was sat sipping her wine in Ross' apartment on a Saturday night after Emma had gone to bed. This had become her new tradition, after invitations for several weeks they had fallen into the pattern where she was no longer invited just went.

"Rachel we've been doing this for almost 3 months now and well I'm gonna 40 in a couple of years and I think that I need to stop fooling around I need to, what I'm trying to say is that we have this beautiful little girl together, there is obviously something physical between us and we're friends, we do love each other. I think now is the time to move on from this. Rachel Karen Green, will you marry me?" Rachel stared at him, not really willing to believe her ears. She knew Ross didn't love her, well no that wasn't true he loved her and she loved him, but neither of them was IN love with the other. She wanted to prove to herself and to Joey that she too could move on, even though truthfully she knew she couldn't. Ross was doing the only thing he could think of to cling onto his daughter, to cling to the teenage fantasy of marrying Lincoln High's Prom Queen, though she knew she hadn't been that girl for a long time now. But she also knew there was very little chance for to be with the person she truly loved, she was getting older and she was a single mother of two, not many guys were willing to take that on, and Ross really was a great guy, she could do worse. She knew her parents would both be thrilled. But then she knew it was bad for her son, how would they survive living in the same house. But what about her daughter? Having both her parents together, a couple. Rachel sorely missed the family situation she had known as a child, she didn't want to deprive her daughter of that if she could.

"Ok." Ross blinked a few times before leaning over and brushing his lips over hers before turning round and grabbing the phone.

"She said yes." Rachel could hear the screams, she knew it was Monica. She could see the scene over there in her minds eye so clearly, Monica would already be planning what food she could serve, who to invite and how to decorate.

                                                *                      *                      *

The night came so fast she could hardly believe it. There she was an engaged 30 something in a little black cocktail dress smiling at the people entering Monica's apartment. These were her friends, her co-workers, and Ross' too. She was watching the scene and yet felt strangely detached. She stood by Ross as he called for everyone's attention. She heard his speech, and yet didn't feel at all moved by it. She did notice that while he spoke he threw little glances in her direction.

"Well everyone it has been a long time in coming but after years of loving and longing for this moment, Rachel, the mother of my amazing little girl has consented to be my wife." And then she saw it; Joey's face. She saw the look of pain flash over his handsome features and she had to escape the claustrophobic room. She waited until it was polite to leave before almost running outside into the hall. She sat with her back against the door to her own apartment staring at the door to apartment 20. She stared as it opened and Joey stepped into the hall, she accepted his hand when he held it out to pull her to her feet, she stumbled forward slightly and found herself safely in his arms pressed against his chest. He moved back once he knew she was stable and stared at her, she couldn't even begin to decipher the emotions locked into his expression.

"If you wanted him all those years ago, you should have just gone to him instead of running away and depriving both of us of our children."

"Joey I never wanted him then, I wanted you. That's why it was so hard but it's also hard now. To be alone, to be an alone mother of two. It would have been a hard job to find someone willing to take on someone else's child, but to find a man willing to take on not one man's child but two men's children would be damn near impossible and I'm so tired of being alone. And if I can't have the man I love, then I have to have the man I know will always provide for me and my children." She watched as her words sunk into Joey and she watched as he moved towards her, she felt his lips against hers and his arms pulling her close to him, clinging to her as though they never wanted to let her go and she responded to him with the same height of passion, like an explosion of pent up love and longing from the years it had been since they'd last touched. The cough they heard brought them both hurtling back to reality and they jumped apart and yet almost unwillingly their fingertips clung to one another as if afraid to be parted for fear that they would never again touch. They faced Chandler in an almost united front.

"What are you doing? Ross and Phoebe and god knows how many other people are in that very room, I could easily be any one of them!"

"We know Chandler."

"It was a mistake." Rachel's heart broke to hear those words. Chandler looked on at the two of them and then turned and disappeared back into apartment 20. Rachel dropped Joey's hand and went into her own apartment, slamming the door in his face. The door was opened seconds later by Joey. He held up his key as if in explanation. "I didn't mean kissing you was a mistake, god I could never mean that it's you. I meant in that place and that time. But kissing you is never wrong." Rachel walked towards him.

"What are we?"

"Lovers?" Rachel stood for a moment, and then she kissed him.

                                                *                      *                      *

Rachel snuggled closer to the warm body next to her. She felt sleep tugging at her.

"I have to go, I'm meeting Phoebe for lunch." And it was shattered. She watched as he climbed from her bed and dressed, and she hated herself. She had hated herself for months now, because she had suffered months of moments like this, moments where she could give way to her fantasies of life with Joey only to have them shattered by one of them having to leave because they had plans with their real partner.

"Joey…" He turned to her. She longed to say she loved him, but then she saw it.

"What's that?" he followed her eyes and looked down at his hand.

"It's a ring."

"What kind of ring?"

"It was a present."

"From Phoebe?"

"Yes from Phoebe, from my girlfriend." The words pierced Rachel's heart like a knife and she turned her back to him. She felt him leave and she begun to sob into her pillow, she loved him so much, but she couldn't share him forever without losing her mind.

                                                *                      *                      *

Rachel leaned back against the wall of the seedy hotel while she waited for Joey to come back.

"Hi." Rachel turned to find a man dressed in a suit next to her."

"Hi." He placed his hand on the wall above her head and leaned towards her, she smelt the whisky on his breath and wanted to vomit.

"How much for the night?"

"For the night?"

"Oh it's by the hour then, that kind of girl." Rachel felt like she'd been slapped.

"No! Not that kind of girl." Joey came over.

"Oh already got a customer, aren't you off the TV. You need a hooker!" The guy's laughter in her ear made her weak, but she knew Joey would save her.

"She's not a hooker….she's my stalker. Leave me alone, stop following me." Rachel stared at him not believing what he'd just said. She broke away from him and ran from the hotel. She hailed a cab and jumped in, ignoring Joey's voice calling her name.

                                                *                      *                      *

Rachel stormed through the door of her apartment closely followed by Joey. She rounded on him the second he slammed the door shut.

"I can't believe what you just did to me!"

"I'm in the public eye can you imagine what would happen if that got out! I hate this, the sneaking around and lying."

"I hate it to you know. When I fell in love with you I never imagined we'd end up like this."

"Like what?"

"This dirty little affair."

"Hate to tell you this Rach but that's why they're called affairs! Cos they are dirty!"

"You think I like this, I'm destroying my friend, my fiancé the father of my little girl. Everything that I left to fix I'm destroying all over again, do you think that I'm ok with that? That it doesn't hurt me too." Rachel's face was covered in tears, leaving ugly streaks down her cheeks. The months of deception was taking it's toll on their relationship. Joey made a move to take her into his arms, the heartbreak written on her face almost destroying him. She flinched away. "Go."

"Rach…"

"Joey please just go." He wanted to hold her and soothe it all away, but knew it wasn't as simple as that, so he did the only thing he could, he left. He didn't go home however, he knocked on the apartment door opposite the one he had just left. The door was opened within seconds.

"I have to break up with Rachel." Joey almost fell into the arms open to him, the strong arms steadied him as he fought to control his own sobs of heartbreak at what he knew he had to do. Chandler led the broken man further into the apartment, and sat beside him on the sofa.

"What's happened Joe?" Chandler had never seen his friend like this before, such turmoil over one woman. But then Chandler reflected how would he feel if he and Monica split up?

"It's killing her, it's absolutely killing her and I can't do it to her anymore. I love her so much Chandler but I'm destroying her."

"Joey don't take this the wrong way but maybe you don't love her as much as you think." Joey jumped to his feet, hardly believing his best friend could doubt his love for the mother of his son. The only woman he had ever loved. Would ever love!

"How can you say that?" Chandler rose to his feet to stand level with Joey.

"Because if you loved her as much as you said then you wouldn't do this to her, you'd just tell Phoebe that you don't love her and you'd be with Rachel, but this has been going on for months, so maybe it's more lust than love. Or a way of clinging onto your son."

"No Chandler, I do love her but Phoebe is our friend and Ross, god. And Emma and Aaron they have to come first, how would they survive the…explosion that would happen if we dropped this bomb of ours."

"Joey I don't know what to tell you." The door to the apartment was flung open and in walked a sobbing Rachel, before she noticed Joey the words were out of her mouth.

"Chandler I'm pregnant!" Both men stared at her and she then noticed Joey. Her mouth opened and though she did not speak the words both men knew she said 'oh god.'

"Is it mine?"

"I don't know."

                                                *                      *                      *

Rachel drummed her fingers on the breakfast bar waiting for the call to tell her who the father of her unborn child was, she was torn in two. She didn't even know whether she wanted it to be Ross' or Joey's. The quiet knock on the door alerted her to the fact Joey had arrived.

"Come in." The door was opened and Joey stepped inside, the silence was deafening. He stood just inside the apartment neither saying a word, just staring at each other. In an attempt to take the dreadful silence away Rachel flipped the radio on, the phone then rang. She grabbed at it and Joey took a step further into the apartment.

"Hello? This is she…ok, thank you. No that won't be necessary. Thank you again, yes goodbye." Joey's hopeful eyes looked into her own. "It wasn't a match." The look on his face almost killed her.

"Congratulations." To Rachel it sounded as though he was choking on those words.

"I'm sorry."

"We have to end this. There's no point in it, we're both with other people and you're about to have a child with that other man. This is pointless. So we'll be what we're meant to be."

"What's that?"

"Parents of a little boy, people who used to be best friends."

"We used to be a lot of things."

"Used to be, now we're just what we are." Rachel remembered the first kiss they had shared after her return, the one Joey had told Chandler was a mistake. Maybe that's what this whole thing had been to Joey, a big mistake. Testing the waters to see if she was worth it, and obviously she wasn't. But then she knew that the love she felt could never be one sided. Joey opened the door and she watched him walk out of it. The words to the song on the radio penetrated her mind, ringing true to the feelings and emotions coursing through her veins.

**_Here I am on   
The phone again and   
Awkward silence is   
On the other end   
  
I used to know   
The sound of a smile   
In your voice   
But right now   
All I feel   
Is the pain of the fighting   
Starting up again _**She turned the radio up, not realising that on the other side of her door Joey was leant back against it, hearing the same words she was.**_  
All the things we talk about   
You know they stay on my mind   
All the things we laugh about   
They'll bring us through it every time, after time, after time   
  
Don't say a word   
I know you feel the same   
Just give me a sign   
Say anything, say anything   
Please don't walk away   
I know you want to stay   
Just give me a sign   
Say anything, say anything   
  
Some say that   
Time changes   
Best friends can   
Become strangers   
But I don't want that   
No not for you   
If you just stay with me   
We can make it through   
  
So here we are again   
Same old argument   
And now I'm wondering   
If things'll ever change, yeah   
  
When will you laugh again?   
Laugh like you did back when   
We made noise till 3 am   
And the neighbours would complain   
  
All the things we talk about   
You know they stay on my mind   
All the things we laugh about   
They'll bring us through it every time after time, after time   
  
Don't say a word   
I know you feel the same   
Just give me a sign   
Say anything, say anything   
Please don't walk away   
I know you want to stay   
Just give me a sign   
Say anything, say anything   
  
I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin' down   
I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin' down   
Down, down, down   
  
Don't say a word   
I know you feel the same   
Just give me a sign   
Say anything, say anything   
Please don't walk away   
I know you want to stay   
Just give me a sign   
Say anything, say anything  _**

"Please don't say a word, I know you feel the same, don't leave, Just give me a sign, Say anything, say anything, Please don't walk away, I know you want to stay, don't leave, Just give me a sign, Say anything, say anything." He could hear her voice softly repeating the words of the song, and he longed to go back inside, longed not to walk away to give her a sign, but knew he couldn't. She was carrying Ross' child!

                                                *                      *                      *

"Chandler?" Monica's head appeared from the bedroom door. "Oh hey Mon, sorry I thought it was Chandler's day with Abby. I'll go." Rachel turned and was about to walk through the door out into the hall and back to the apartment that was shrouded in misery.

"Rach wait!" Rachel turned and Monica emerged further from the bedroom. "Come sit with me. Talk with me." Rachel cautiously made her way over to the sofa and sat on it while Monica sat in the chair.

"What do you want to talk about?" Monica shook her head.

"See that's it Rach, we used to sit and talk about everything and anything, now I feel like the wife of your friend, someone you talk to when necessary but avoid all other times. Sometimes I just feel like a babysitter, when we used to be best friends. I mean we went years after high school without even speaking and then we just became roommates and it was like high school but better cos we lived together without parents, and I wasn't fat!"

"Monica you're Ross' sister…"

"Yeah and soon I'm gonna be your sister-in-law."

"You love Ross above all else, and so you feel my departure as much as him, who lost his daughter."

"He's forgiven you, you're getting married."

"True but it's not a marriage like yours and Chandler's. I just feel awkward talking about personal things with you when you might not like what I say. I've been back for a year and a half and true things are okay with everyone. Ross is marrying me and Phoebe and I never really fell out so that's okay, and Joey's great especially with not knowing about Aaron and you all treat me great, but Chandler is really the only one that treats me as a friend."

"You are my friend. Rachel when you left, you didn't just take away Ross' daughter and the person Joey loved, you didn't hurt just them. You hurt me. We've been best friends since high school and you just walked away and then finding out that you kept in touch with Phoebe, it hurt more."

"She was the only person I could keep in touch with. Chandler and I weren't that close then, and you were Ross' sister, you wouldn't have not told him. And you wouldn't have done what Phoebe did."

"What did Phoebe do that I wouldn't have?"

"Kept it a secret, you would have told Ross that I was in San Diego."

"Yeah but Phoebe didn't know."

"The letters and pictures I sent to Ross, they came to New York from San Diego and then were posted from New York to Ross. Phoebe did that."

"She did?" Rachel nodded. "Okay so I wouldn't have done that, because Ross is my brother. I guess I understand why it had to be Phoebe, but a call Rachel, to me. To show you cared."

"I did care, I do care. When Phoebe told me about the baby I was so so happy for you guys because I knew the problems and I knew how much you wanted a child of your own, to be a mom. I couldn't have been more thrilled and so I sent the gift. But only Phoebe knew it was from me."

"I missed you so much then Rach, I needed you with me. You were the only one really knew how much I wanted a baby, the only one who could have been there and helped and you weren't." Tears prickled the edges of Monica's eyes and Rachel realised how much her departure had affected Monica on the level of their friendship, not just as Ross' sister.

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't stay."

"I get that Rach, I really do. But if you had just called me or something, sent me a letter too. Showed that you were thinking of me. Your best friend." Rachel moved forward and placed her arms round Monica, she returned the hug. "So we can be friends again?"

"You treat me like a friend and I'll treat you like one."

"So we can hang out, and talk like you and Chandler do."

"Definitely."

"So what were you gonna tell him when you came in?" Rachel's mind screamed in horror, no she couldn't tell Monica that. But then it would show she really did want her as her friend again. But she was Ross' sister! She climbed to her feet.

"Mon everything in me is screaming at me not to tell you this, but I'm going to. When you hear it, you'll hate me. But this is what friendship is, telling each other things that are important to us. Ross and I aren't marrying for the right reasons, even you must see that. He doesn't love me and I don't love him. I love Joey and I have done for years. We've been having an affair. He was going to end it when he found I was pregnant, so he gave his blood for a paternity test. He is the father, but I knew what he would do if he found out and I needed time to think, so I told it was Ross'. He congratulated me and then left. I'm carrying his baby and I love him, but he's with my friend and I'm engaged to his." Rachel waited for the eruption from the stony faced woman in front of her. And she waited. And waited. For what felt like an age she waited for Monica to jump to her feet and scream at her. Slowly, as if still pondering her words Monica spoke.

"He doesn't love you, that's right. And I knew you didn't love him. Joey does love Phoebe, but not as much as you. However if you do get together it will destroy everything, not because Ross loves you but for fear or losing his daughter, again. Because he will feel betrayed. And Phoebe loves Joey, so she will be crucified. You have to be very sure about living with the outcome before you do this. Because it was going to cause problems before, but that is about a million times easier than what it will be now. I won't tell Ross it's not his baby, but if he asks I'll tell him the truth because I won't lie. If you wish them to know the truth then tell them, if not don't. It's your choice. It's all about what you think is best."

                                                *                      *                      *

"Were you ever going to tell me about Joey and Rachel?" Chandler had just flopped onto the bed he shared with his wife of almost 7 years. He moved his head round to face her.

"No." Monica hadn't been expecting such a blunt answer, especially a blunt answer like that one. It was so unlike Chandler. "They're both my best friends and you're one of their partner's sister. Besides it's over now, Rachel is marrying Ross and having his baby."

"She's not."

"What?"

"It's Joey's baby. She lied to him. She needed time to think. But I think she's gonna marry Ross and tell everyone it's his baby."

"And you're okay with that?"

"In the long run, Ross will be happier. I mean we've commented on the way he is with Aaron, I think if he knew the truth he'd hate the child and I think it's better he doesn't know."


	4. Here Comes The Bride

Monica smiled as she smoothed down the beautiful wedding dress. There was a light tap at the door before Chandler slid into the room.

"Everything's ready. Are you?" the bride stared at herself in the mirror, the reflection of the dress was the embodiment of everything she wanted, or thought she wanted, or had wanted. She wasn't sure now whether it was past or present but she knew that the wedding was now. She was going to walk down that aisle and she would become someone's wife. The other half, someone's life partner. She grabbed the hands of her two best friends. She smiled at them. She stepped into the aisle as the music began she walked. Joey smiled at Phoebe, she looked beautiful. He could hardly believe it, a wedding. It seemed like only yesterday he and Rachel had been together and now look at where they were, apart. Joey couldn't help but watch, memorized, as the beautiful bride glided down the aisle towards him. She stood there and looked no where but at him.

"Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to celebrate the joyous union of Rachel and Ross." As the priest spoke those words they pierced Joey's heart. He turned again towards Phoebe, his girlfriend. He could have laughed out loud at that word, he and Phoebe could never be truly an item in that sense. He realised that she loved him, but there was where it ended. Rachel had taught him to love, she had also taken all the love he had to offer. Standing here, as Ross' best man, again, as he married the one woman Joey could ever love. Chandler leaned backwards slightly.

"Beautiful isn't she?" Joey couldn't speak a word, merely nodded his head. Chandler continued, though Joey surmised it was more to himself than to him. "She never bloomed like this when she was carrying Ross' ba…" His mouth closed and he stood up bolt straight. But Joey knew what the rest of the sentence was. If only he'd known before this moment, if only he'd had chance to talk to her about it before now. But he hadn't, it was too late, she was marrying Ross knowing she wasn't having Ross' baby but his!

"And if anyone here knows of some reason why these two should not be joined let them speak now or forever hold their peace." The priest paused and Joey considered declaring his love for Rachel, but then he saw Phoebe. Wonderful Phoebe who had been his best friend, who had in times gone by been the only one who understood him who laughed with him and not at him, who saw things the way he did and didn't always understand the smarter ones of the group. Amazing Phoebe who he surely would have gone under without after Rachel's departure, and she was staring at him, mouthing the words of the vows which were to come and he knew she was doing it to him, in her mind it was them up at the altar in a ceremony to entwine their lives forever. And he couldn't do it to her, so he smiled at her instead and she smiled back.

Monica caught Chandler's eye, she didn't know whether he had told Joey or not, she had no clue whether Joey would say something so she knew she had to, against the warnings clearly held in Chandler's eyes she opened her mouth to say it, to say she objected but before she could the priest continued.

"Repeat after me, I, Ross take thee Rachel."

"I, Ross, take thee Rachel."

"To be my lawful wedded wife, to love, honour and to cherish, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do us part."

"To be my lawful wedded wife, to love, honour and to…"

"STOP!" the priest's mouth hung open, as did Ross' waiting to continue, on his fourth marriage. All eyes swung to the person who had called the ceremony to a halt, including Rachel's. "You can't do this, it's wrong." Ross' face clouded with confusion.

"Why is it?"

"Because it's not your baby!" A gasp rippled through the assembled crowd and Rachel's mom grasped her sister's arm in shock. Dr Green sprang to his feet as did the Gellars. Rachel stared wide eyed unable to believe her own ears. "She doesn't love you either, she's in love with the baby's father, and even though he hasn't told her he loves her too."

"Joey what are you talking about? Don't be so stupid." Joey's face was a mask of pain.

"I'm not being stupid, and the reason I know all that is because, I love Rachel and I am the father of her baby." Joey paused and then turned towards the white faced Rachel. "Rach I love you, I don't care about the past or how much this gonna hurt people, the group of us, I can't imagine spending another day without you and I can't watch you marry someone else." All eyes in the room swung to Rachel. She looked between Joey and Ross, she looked round at all her friends and family, and Ross' family. Her eyes settled first on her children, while one hand rested on her unborn child, then on Phoebe, her friend stood still, her face was deathly pale and though she did not cry tears prickled at her eyes. The irony of this decision struck her and she chuckled to herself, but she knew she couldn't run, she had thought 5 years ago that she could run from this decision, but she couldn't. She had to make a choice, she had to either choose Ross and lose Joey, or risk everything on him. She cleared her throat, about to speak. She felt a warm hand on her back and knew it was Monica's, she saw Chandler's reassuring smile and she knew.

"Ross, I love you, you're the father of my little girl. You're the first person I ever truly loved and we had something so special. But that was over for us both years ago and Joey's right this is wrong, because we don't love each other. And he's also right that the baby I am carrying is his." Ross stared at her, his princess of Lincoln High, and then he realised, she wasn't that girl anymore. She was Rachel and he didn't know if he loved Rachel, he didn't know Rachel, he knew and loved the Lincoln High Prom Queen. But he did love his daughter, just like he knew Joey did. Joey loved both mother and child. He nodded his head, not saying a word, nor betraying a feeling. Rachel turned to Joey. "Joey, god when I left, hell when I came back I never imagined being stood here in this position, but I guess love is unexpected, all I know is that I can't be without you another day either. And I'm sorry if it hurts people, but being away from you, kills me. I love you Joey." Tears slipped down her cheeks and Joey stepped forward and smoothed them away with his thumb, he stared into her eyes and he kissed her.

Short Chapter I know but I didn't know whether I should continue this, how their lives are affected and what happens or just leave it at this. Plz let me know.


	5. Jenny

Monica slipped through the door into the churchyard and made her way over to Ross.

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm okay." He turned towards her. "When I was hearing about her lying to me about the baby all my brain kept saying was that Rachel would never do this and that's the problem I'm not in love with Rachel, I'm in love with the Prom Queen and they aren't the same person anymore, and in truth I'm not the person I was then either. When we got engaged we were both settling, but now she has the chance to not settle to have exactly what she really wants I'm not gonna get mad or stand in the way. I'm not gonna make the same mistake twice. I wish I'd realised how much they truly loved each other then and saved us all the pain of what has happened, save myself the pain of being separated from my little girl. But I was blind, I was too focused on what I wanted and not what was best I couldn't see that I was actually hurting everyone including Emma."

"Maybe you should tell them that and finally fix your friendship with them, especially Joey."

"I will but I think that right now they need to be alone and sort things out themselves. But I will go and see them, now in fact. Where are they?"

"In the vicar's chamber." Ross nodded and walked past his little sister, he grabbed her hand and squeezed for a second before disappearing. The door opened and closed and Monica turned and looked out across the churchyard. She heard the door open again and then felt arms snake round her waist. "He's really ok with this, he's not even angry."

"He's finally grown up. He's finally realised." She turned round to look at him while he spoke.

"How's Phoebe?" Chandler drew in breath and looked away from Monica. "That bad?"

"She really does love him. Didn't you see her in there, in her head she saw the two of them at the altar in a few years time and then…"

"I should go and see her." Chandler shook his head before he replied.

"No, give her a little space."

                                                *                      *                      *

Joey and Rachel were sat side by side. The room was filled with an uncomfortable silence. Both jumped at the knock on the door, though they welcomed it.

"Come in." the door opened and Ross came in. Joey jumped to his feet and put a protective hand on Rachel's shoulder. Rachel's own hand reached up and covered his.

"What is it Ross?"

"Joey and I need to talk." Rachel looked up and Joey and his eyes found hers. A silent message was sent to her telling her it would be ok, he wouldn't lose her again. "Joe, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let our friendship suffer because I was too selfish to see that you and Rachel were made for each other. Rachel I'm sorry about so many things. I was a fool. I only hope you can both forgive me." Rachel smiled at him and Joey pulled him into a hug, which Ross returned. "To show that I want you to be together I thought I'd offer to take Emma, and Aaron for a few nights and days until you're all sorted." Rachel stood up and she took Joey's hand.

"Thank you Ross. It means a lot to us, to both of us and I'm sorry that things happened like they did between us. I wish it hadn't." Ross smiled.

"I'll just go and get the kids. Let me know when everything is done." Ross left the room and the two turned to each other.

"Home?" Rachel nodded and they slipped away together.

                                                *                      *                      *

Phoebe had been in her bed, their bed for days maybe even weeks. He hadn't come home, not once and she knew he was with her. In the home they'd shared, building their lives with their son her daughter and the child they had on the way. She had hoped she and Ross could find a way to get things right again, but even when she had reminded him he and Rachel were lobsters and their pact when they were younger about turning forty he had merely replied he'd already done enough to ruin things for them, now all he wished the couple was his happiness. She hated Rachel, she who had once been her friend. She had been the one who had convinced her to come back, she had never once thought Joey still loved her, she had never imagined that all the time they were together Joey could have been imagined she was Rachel. She wanted him back so badly, at the wedding she had been imagining them, months down the line in the same place, she had no clue he was actually thinking of how to stop the wedding so he could be with the bride. She had thought they were happy, she knew they had been but Rachel gave him something she obviously didn't, what was it about Rachel that made everyone like her and forgive her. She had Joey and she had Chandler, her boyfriend and their best friend. She had Monica, her best friend and she had her good friend Ross, the father of her first born. She had them all. Phoebe was obviously just replaceable. If she had done the things Rachel had done she'd never have been accepted back into the group again not like Rachel had. The phone rang, disturbing her thoughts. She reached across and grabbed it.

"Hello?" her voice sounded hollow and empty even to her.

"Ms Buffay?"

"Yes."

"Hello my name is Doctor Stein I'm calling in regards to a Miss Ursula Buffay, your sister?"

"Yes."

"She was brought into the hospital last night, Miss Buffay could you please come down here."

"She's asking for me!?!?!?!"

"Please Miss Buffay."

"Sure." Phoebe hung up and managed to pull herself from her bed, throw on some clothes and leave, just before exiting the apartment she caught sight of herself in the mirror, she was gaunt and looked ill enough to be admitted to hospital herself. She shuddered at her own appearance before stepping through the doorway. She arrived at the hospital within 20 minutes and went in, after being directed into the family room she was joined by a doctor moments later.

"Miss Buffay I'm Doctor Stein." Phoebe stood up and took the hand offered to her to shake. She felt almost like she was running on autopilot. She even imagined herself as a character on DOOL, one that Dr Ramoray would fall hopelessly in love with. "I'm sorry to tell you that your sister passed away this morning. Her injuries were just too extensive. But your niece is healing, would you like to see her? I must warn you we haven't told her about her mother yet."

"My what?" The doctor looked at her strangely.

"Your niece, Jennifer."

"No my sister doesn't have children. Does she?"

"I'll take you to her." Phoebe felt dazed as she followed the doctor through the various corridors of the hospital until they arrived on the children's ward. He pointed her at the bed in the corner. "She is well enough to be told about her mother, but we felt it was best for you to do it." The doctor disappeared leaving her with the little girl. She walked over the girl turned to look at her.

"Told you he was too smashed to drive."

"Jennifer?"

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Phoebe sat down on the small, hard plastic chair.

"I'm Phoebe."

"Concussion, amnesia which is it?"

"I'm your mom's twin, Ursula never mentioned me?"

"Oh, yeah she did. You're the lucky one who got everything right."

"I was living on the streets when I was 14 until I was about 20. I have a record. If that's your definition of lucky."

"No that's what my mom did, you got sent to live with your grandmother. You didn't my mom she existed."

"No that's what your mom did." The girl in the bed seemed to accept what she said, not even bothering to question. "Who was too drunk to drive?"

"The guy my mom was taking home. Where is she?" Phoebe glanced down at her hands before looking at her again. "She's dead isn't she?" Phoebe nodded.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, she never loved me. I stopped loving her when I realised that fact. Anyway I'll be okay, I'm only 2 years younger than you when you started living on the streets."

"I was living on the streets because I had no where else to go. You do."

"Where?"

"You have me and also my brother Frank and his wife Alice. But they have triplets so you might be more comfortable with me. And also there's your grandmother."

"I actually have a family?" Nice of her to tell me."

"This is so weird, I can't believe Ursula has got a 12 year old kid and we never knew. Where's your dad?"

"I never knew him, mom said he didn't want anything to do with us. All she told me was he was just some Italian actor, that you introduced her to, knowing he'd take advantage."

"She broke his heart, and never told him about you. We used to be best friends."

"Why aren't you now?"

"Things change."

                                                *                      *                      *

Rachel opened the door of their apartment to find Phoebe stood there with a girl beside her.

"Phoebe? I'm so glad you're here. Sweetie I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you." Phoebe stared pointedly at the bulge of her stomach.

"I need to see Joey." Rachel opened the door wider to let Phoebe through. The girl followed her quietly and stood close to her.

"Joey!" Rachel shouted him and he emerged from the room that had once been just Rachel's bed room with Emma holding his hand and his son in his arms.

"Phoebe…" Phoebe cut him off before he could even start.

"Joey let's make this quick. The apartment it's yours, when do you want me to move out?"

"Phoebe can we please talk?"

"I thought that's what we were doing. I asked you a question could you please answer it."

"Stay, we'd rather be here." Phoebe nodded her head. Inside she was thankful she didn't have to leave, she wasn't really ready to wrench herself away from the home they'd shared, especially if she had to live with the knowledge they were making their home there.

"I'll contact a solicitor about renting or even buying the place from you. I'll use Ursula's in fact, Jenny you know who she used right?" The girl nodded her head, slightly overwhelmed by the tension and discomfort of the people in the room. "Oh by the way, Rachel Joey this is Jennifer. Jennifer this is Rachel and Joey. That is Emma and the little boy is Aaron, your half brother. I'll be in touch, let's go Jenny." Phoebe spun on her heel and grabbed Jenny's hand dragging her out the door. She hadn't told Jenny who they were going to see, she had said her ex and his new girlfriend, she'd never said her ex was her father. Jenny pulled Phoebe to a stop.

"That was the Italian actor! Why didn't you tell that's who he was? Oh I get it, your revenge was the way you told him. Don't use me like that!"

"Jenny I'm sorry I should have said something, I didn't deal with it well." Joey appeared round the corner before Jenny could reply.

"Explain." Phoebe looked down.

"Joey this is Jennifer, my niece. Ursula's daughter. I don't, her birth certificate doesn't exactly say your name but the dates tie in and from what Ursula said. I think you're her father."

                                                *                      *                      *

Phoebe was shown into the grand office and was amazed by everything in it. The man behind the desk stood up and offered his hand to her.

"Hello Miss Buffay I'm your sister's attorney Mike Hannigan." Phoebe smiled at him, it was her first genuine smile since she had been left by Joey, it seemed like only yesterday some days, but days like today it seemed like light years ago, it truth it was almost 5 months. It had been 2 since her sisters' death. He motioned to the chair and she sat, he sat down again and leaned forward across his desk. "Firstly I'd like to apologise for leaving you floundering your way through things with my junior this past month but I've been on vacation, desperately needed I'm afraid."

"That's ok, my mind hasn't exactly been in the place to do this anyway. Now you're back and I'm focused so we should get somewhere."

"Yes we should." Phoebe smiled again and felt the first ray of light pierce her heart since she and Joey had broken up. "Well it's all pretty straight forward. Your sister didn't have much but everything is to go to her next of kin, her daughter and you'll be trustee until she becomes of age. Anything you'd like to ask?"

"Well I have to rush off and collect Jenny from school but, I do have a question about something."

"We could discuss it over dinner."

"I'm free."

A/N: For the person who said about Rachel using contraception, it's just a case of the rubber tore.

A/N2: I know it's weird to introduce Jenny but it was the only way I could think of for Phoebe to meet Mike without it being an actual date.


	6. Epilogue

Rachel smiled at her son and daughter as they blew out the candles on their 9th birthday cake. Her husband came up beside her and clasped her hand in his.

"Can you believe our babies are 9 years old?" Rachel's voice was filled with tears.

"Honey, we've still got years left with them, and when they're grown up we get to be us, and then we'll get to be grandparents." Rachel smiled up at Joey.

"I love you."

"I love you too Rach."

"God Green you always were a cry baby." The couple turned to be greeted by their best friends, Chandler and Monica Bing and their children. Their eldest child Abby was 11 and their youngest Adam was 5. Rachel hugged her oldest friend while their husbands embraced.

"Mom, dad and Alice are here!" Rachel moved away from her friends to greet her daughter's father, her good friend and his wife.

"Hey Ross, Alice how are you feeling?"

"Oh god I'm sure you remember how much of a bitch the last week is."

"All too well. You want a seat." Alice sat down and Ross hurried off to greet his daughter, who at 14 was a miniature version of Lincoln High's Prom Queen, but with an attitude straight from Queens. Rachel surveyed the garden of her home of 8 years. Soon after the twins were born she and Joey had moved their newly formed family into a house in the suburbs. She looked at the people their, her little babies, they were both growing up so fast. She could clearly remember the day Sophie and Jason made their way into the world, she couldn't have been happier on that day. She had everything she wanted, 4 wonderful, beautiful children and a man who loved her and had just proposed! She had smiled on that day at the irony of them being engaged just after she had given birth. She looked at them laughing and playing with their friends. She watched Emma, who had given up her attitude for about 5 minutes to ask if she could get anything for Alice. She was glad Ross and she had met, even happier they had married and she was thrilled Alice was pregnant and Ross was finally getting the family he'd always wanted. She looked over to her son, the first child she had given Joey. Aaron was still withdrawn even though he was almost 13, though he was given a very special talent he could sing, really sing. She was breathless each time she heard him. But when he was with his dad, as he was now playing ball, he came out of himself and had the most amazing smile she'd ever seen. She looked over to Monica and Chandler, engaged as usual in their witty banter, amusing their youngest child while Abby had wandered off in search of something to do. At that moment the garden gate was flung open by a hyperactive 6 year old. The girl, Regina was closely followed by her dad Mike and her mom, Phoebe.

"Hey Rachel."

"Hey Pheebs, Mike how are you?"

"We're good our apartment has just been sold so we're moving, I'm so excited!"

"That's great, you'll be right in here with the rest of us soon then."

"Yeah." The screech of tyres momentarily brought chatter to a halt before it was resumed. Moments later the gate was flung open and a vibrant blonde walked in. Rachel's four children rushed round the young blonde, she smiled at them all and handed out the presents she had brought for her youngest siblings before rushing over. She pulled Phoebe and Mike into a hug.

"Hey you guys. I've missed so much!" The blonde spun round and ran to Joey, launching herself into his arms like a small child would. Though Rachel surmised in some ways she was still like a small child where he was concerned.

"Dad! I can't believe how long it's been!" Joey laughed and put her back on her feet.

"I missed you too Jen." Moments later Jenny spun round and pulled her new camera from her bag.

"Picture time! Dad, Rach, Aunt Phoebe, Chandler, Monica and Ross. The original group I want a picture of you guys." The group came together and stood arms round one another. Chandler had both arms wrapped round his wife who leant her back against her brothers',  Ross had one hand resting on Joey's shoulder, Rachel was leant against Joey whose arms were around her. Phoebe was stood beside Rachel, who grabbed her into a hug. Phoebe contemplated how much she had once hated Rachel, but looking at her life now she knew she no longer felt it. If Rachel hadn't come back she might not had the wonderful daughter and husband she had now. And she knew without question she had never loved anyone in her life more than Mike.

Just a short chapter to finish everything off, ok so it might have been a little fluffy and cheesy etc but that's just the way it is.


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